Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
