woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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