so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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