She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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