ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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