Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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