I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
