she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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