Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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