Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
