what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
