"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
