dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
