I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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