we have pet lesbian snakes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
