I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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