put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
