he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
