you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
