What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
True strength comes from lack of pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
