Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
