I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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