We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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