You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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