I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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