why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
