So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
