We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
