I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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