I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She bit a glass in half.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
