I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want to fling myself into the sun
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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