she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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