I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What a dumb baby whore.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
