I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
