if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
