we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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