OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
