then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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