apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
