Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
