some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
