i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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