She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
