At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
