you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
