I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
