The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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