im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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