drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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