Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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