We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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