Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
